Counting Down 'til Daddy

Category: Marriage Wars

Marriage ‘Wars’: Part II

So last week was probably a little one sided.  I don’t think Jay got any support for his towel thievery, which is quite understandable in my opinion.  This week I have a topic that does not guarantee me a win: rats.  About 18 months ago or so I put some bird feeders out in the yard.  They attracted a decent variety of birds for us to enjoy and for the cats to salivate over from the dining room window.  One winter day last year I was feeding Madeline when she pointed out the window and exclaimed, “squirrel!”  I looked and did not see a squirrel; I saw a rat hanging on the feeder snacking on the suet.

This is a squirrel.

Clearly not a squirrel.

I’m not that familiar with rats, but it seemed like an average size rodent.  I did a little research and learned that rats will frequent bird feeders, either climbing on them or snacking on the seed that has fallen on the ground.  I read that if I wanted to avoid rats coming to the feeder I should just put enough food to feed the birds for one day and then make sure they are empty at night.  Um, too much work.  I wasn’t too concerned about the rat.  It was outside, where rats live, and we have two cats and a dog happy to kill it if it did come inside.  The poor thing was just hungry.

Fast forward to this summer and Jay is home from Afghanistan.  I hadn’t mentioned the rat, figuring he had more important things to think about.  Then he saw it:

Jay:  There is a f-ing rat on the bird feeder.

Me:  Don’t say f-ing.  Yes, sometimes there is a rat that comes to eat.  It’s not a big deal.

Jay:  Rats are disgusting and carry diseases.

Me:  Not all rats have diseases.  Just being a rat does not make it diseased.

Jay:  I’m going to kill it.

Me:  No, you’re not.  First of all, you won’t be able to catch it. It runs under the deck as soon as it hears the door open.  Second of all, it’s not hurting anything.

Jay:  I’m going to kill it.  I don’t want that thing in my backyard where my kids play.

Me:  Yeah, cause it’s going to come out and run around the yard while the kids are out there.

Jay:  I’m going to kill it.

Me:  Calm down Rambo (then I knock on the window, warning the rat to go hide).  [let the larger fight not appropriate for sharing ensue because I made fun of him and called him Rambo and for scaring the rat and foiling his plan to kill it]

There were actually two rats that frequent our feeders and are undeterred by the presence of humans, canines or felines.  I started letting the cats out every time I saw one, hoping it would be too scared of death to return.  I would rather they find a new place to hang out or even get killed by one of the cats (a natural death in the rodent world) than Jay catch it and inflict the true death.  I can’t protect these rats forever.  I did see a crow flying overhead two weeks ago with a rat in his mouth, but I don’t know if it was one of ‘our’ rats.  They have been more scarce since our cats started going outside full time, but occasionally I see one jumping from the feeder when I open the back door.

So, who’s right?  Am I being silly wanting to protect the rats?  Are they vile and disgusting creatures that have no business living anywhere near our house?

Marriage ‘Wars’: Part I

You may be familiar with the show The Marriage Ref, but if not, here is a brief summary:  married people let cameras record them as they argue about silly things and then three celebrities discuss said silly things and the silly married people arguing about them.  At the end the celebrities vote for one member of the marital pair and the “ref” declares a winner.

I am going to do a series of posts about trivial things I deal with in my marriage and I invite you to comment, declare a winner, share a marriage issue of your own, etc.  Now I know that not too many people comment on this here blog of mine, so this might not go anywhere, but we’ll see.  All of us married people can relate, unless you are a rare species of married person who never argues with his/her spouse over annoying habits/behaviors.  I’m not talking about knock down, drag out fights – save them for your therapist.  I’m talking about the things that just irk you on a regular basis and you swear you can change about the person if you nag them enough.  If you read on you will see what kind of issues I’m talking about.

I’m not sure how many parts there will be to this series, but I will post on Mondays (after spending the whole weekend together the annoying habits are more clear).  I realize this is different than the Marriage Ref because you really only get my side, but I will try to be as honest as possible.  Jay – feel free to comment if you are not depicted fairly.

If you “follow” my blog or read on a semi-regular basis, you know that I do not shower every day.  I used to, but now I have kids and would rather sleep for 15 extra minutes than get up before them and shower.  I then choose to eat or watch tv or clean when they are asleep, so the shower takes a back seat again.  When I do shower, I love it.  Assuming I’m not rushing to finish before the kids wake up, it is very relaxing.  I take my time and wash my hair, shave my legs, the whole nine yards.  When I’m done I reach for a towel and…the one towel that is hanging up is wet.  Wet because my husband used a towel the day before, never hung it back up and when he took a shower before me just used the dry towel.  MY towel.

His towel, wet and on the bed next to the dog.

My towel, dry and hung up.

I have MY towel and he has HIS towel.  I am responsible for hanging up my towel to dry after my shower and if I don’t do that I need to get a new one before I shower.  I think this rule should apply to everyone.  Jay does not seem to see it this way.  He just grabs a towel when he’s done without thinking about whether it is the one he has been using or whether it is the same one he hung up the day before.  This drives me nuts.  If I’m lucky I notice the towel situation before I get in the shower and can grab a new one.  If not, I’m stuck with using a wet towel.  Then I’m annoyed and have to address the situation for the hundredth time:

Me:  Jay, you used my towel again.

Jay:  I just grab a towel.  There’s no my towel and your towel.

Me:  Yes there are.  I put two clean towels in the bathroom: one for you and one for me.  I use the same one “everyday” and hang it up when I’m done.  You use one, leave it on the bed or the floor or wherever, then take mine.

Jay:  But it dries before you take a shower next time.

Me:  Not always, and that’s not the point.  If yours is still wet, GO GET A NEW ONE!

Jay:  I don’t even notice.  If there’s a towel there I’m just going to use it.


I think it’s pretty clear that I’m right about this situation, but I’d like to hear what other people think.  Am I making too much of having his and hers towels?


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